We all know somebody that this applies to, or at the very least we know of somebody. Some sit typing, or talking, away on their phones in full view of infuriated friends, family or colleagues while others adopt a stealth approach by sneaking off to take a call or reply to an email. Friends complain of feeling left out, ignored or insulted. They’re right on all three counts.

Let’s put this into context. Think about the emails you received today. How many required your urgent attention? How many were just traffic that could either be ignored or dealt with at a later time? Chances are only a few percent were urgent. So why do people become obsessed with checking their emails? Because it’s a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You may feel restless, anxious, frustrated or annoyed that you can’t check your email the moment your phone vibrates and/or announces to the world that you have a message. You may convince yourself that it’s of vital importance to your well-being that you keep on top of your messages. It’s like being physically and emotionally tethered.

So what can you do? Think about the following:

• What would happen if you didn’t respond to your messages straight away? How urgent are they really? Will your life be permanently ruined if you don’t read, or respond to, that email?
• Establish ’Blackberry free’ times and places, for example your home between 6pm and 9pm daily.
• Leave your Blackberry at home next time you go out for a meal. How did you feel?
• For every hour that you don’t check your Blackberry give yourself a reward. Repeatedly tell yourself that you are getting your life back.  
• Ask the people around you how they feel about your Blackberry use. You may be surprised by their response.
• When you get the urge to check your messages try and delay doing so by 10 minutes. Did the urge subside over time, or increase?
• Are you missing out on life without realising it? What are the advantages and disadvantages of responding to messages immediately? When you check your messages constantly does the urge subside upon checking, or do the urges increase and motivate you to check more often? 
• Remind yourself that you own the Blackberry, it doesn’t own you. 

Witnessing simple acts of kindness has been shown to lift our mood and motivate us to do good acts.  How many times have you let someone out at a junction only for them to do the same thing for another motorist further along the road? I think the following story from help others also reinforces this:

Two years ago an African man from Malawi, Elias, arrived at my sister’s home in the rough, bush country of South Africa with nothing but the shirt on his back. He was hoping to come to South Africa to find employment in order to support his family in Malawi. Little did he realize my sister at that time was struggling to keep her body and soul together. Nevertheless, Elias was given permission to stay on the property with the understanding that she was unable to help him financially and he would have to find “piece work” employment to support himself.

As unemployment is rife, Elias was unable to find work immediately, so my sister taught him how to grow organic vegetables, sew and bake. Elias was keen to learn whatever he could to take the knowledge back to Malawi with him.

Elias finally found employment but my sister hit a bad patch. Being without transport, this was no joke when you are live 15–20 miles from the nearest shop through rough mountainous terrain. Despite approaching various neighbours in the area asking for a lift, no one was willing to assist her even though most were going into town at least once a day.

Early one rainy, cold winter’s Saturday morning, Elias arrived at my sister’s back door ready to walk to the shops for her. Touched as she was by this gesture, she had to tell Elias she had no money as she had not been able to get to the bank. His reply was, “I know ma’am, but I got pay so I will buy for you now.” Not taking no for an answer, Elias did a wonderful act of kindness straight from his heart.

I find it very difficult to understand how those of us that have much cannot help one another, yet someone with nothing and far from his own home, without being approached, so willingly gave his time and hard earned money. If you felt good after reading this story, ‘pass it on’ and do something good for someone today. How did it make you feel?

Some environmental elements that may contribute to poor self esteem are: harsh criticism from family and peers, physical and emotional abuse, social ostracism and unreasonably high standards to meet. People who suffer from low self esteem often experience myriad problems in their adult life, for instance: inability to meet academic and work standards, increased instances of depression, anxiety, stress, and feelings of worthlessness, difficulty maintaining friendships and relationships, higher risk of chemical dependency.

It is virtually impossible to know who has low self esteem. Because the damage is done so early in life, sufferers have usually learned how to hide behind a façade. People with low self esteem are typically adept at giving the impression that they are well-adjusted members of society. The truth is that they are terrified of failure and ridicule; and often they are their own worst critic.

What can you do to help yourself? You can read the full article by clicking here . How do you feel about the advice given in this article? Would you, or did you, find it helpful?

Modern life is making us miserable because we have too much choice, claims new research. From the foods we eat to the television channels we watch to the schools we send our children to and the career we choose to pursue, society has never offered us so much variety.

But while the ability to choose is generally a good thing, too much freedom of choice is crippling us with indecision and making us unhappy, claims the new research published in the Journal of Consumer Research.

Professor Hazel Rose Markus, the author from Stanford University’s Department of Psychology, said: “We cannot assume that choice as understood by educated, affluent Westerners is a universal aspiration and that the provision of choice will necessarily foster freedom and well-being. Even in contexts where choice can foster freedom, empowerment and independence, it is not an unalloyed good. Choice can also produce a numbing uncertainty, depression and selfishness.”

The authors looked at a body of research into the cultural ideas surrounding choice. They found that among non-Western cultures and among working-class Westerners, freedom and choice are less important or mean something different than they do for university educated people. Professor Markus said her study, which focused on Americans, applied to all middle-class Westerners: “Americans live in a political, social and historical context that advances personal freedom, choice and self-determination above all else. Contemporary psychology has proliferated this emphasis on choice and self-determination as the key to healthy psychological functioning.”

Although I agree with the idea that too much choice is not good for some people, I struggle with the idea that this is only an issue for ’middle-class university educated’ people in Western cultures. Psychologically when do you stop being working-class and become middle-class? Can we assume that all middle-class Westerners think the same way? Can we assume that no working-class Westerners experience this issue? How do you feel about this research?

Romantic love is an antiquated and outmoded fiction. It was invented by Victorian poets and writers in order to console the masses, and themselves, on lonely nights, but it is still an ideal deeply embedded in our culture. Perhaps this is one reason why so many relationships fail. So what other types of love are there? Let’s think about ego-love and ego-less love.

Ego love is as my friend described this evening. We have an image of our perfect partner; their body shape, the colour of their eyes, their personality, their emotional and financial stability to name but a few. We imagine what this archetypal person (okay, so I couldn’t resist throwing in some Carl Jung) will bring to our lives, how they will impact on our happiness and how they will enrich our lives. Ego Love is a reflection of the needs, wants, and desires of the lover, not the loved. It rests upon the mistaken premise that our fulfillment can be found in another. It’s about us and not them, and it leads to disillusionment, disappointment and, ultimately, resentment; the sentiments that, in the end, unravel a relationship.

Ego-less love is about true passion, true love. It’s not about temporary infatuation, sex or turning somebody into a person who we imagine will meet our needs. It’s about the subtle intimacies that two people share – the words unspoken, the needs understood, the delicate understandings, the comfortable silences. It’s about the experience of another human being as a perfect reflection and complement to ourselves; when something seemingly lost to us returns – or maybe finds us for the first time – in a single moment of understanding. Ego-less love is about putting the needs, wants and desires of another person before our own, whatever the risk to our own emotional well being.

When described in these terms there is a risk that ego-less love begins to sound like romantic love, doesn’t it? But think about it, ego-love leads to histrionics, pain and disappointment because nobody can live up to our high expectations. Ego-less love on the other hand, agreeing to put somebody else first, is about unselfishness, unadulterated by history, neurosis, baggage or regret. How cool is that?