The simple communication techniques that follow will help you keep the focus of the conversation on the person you are talking to and make them feel good about themselves.

Our brains continually scan the environment for friend or foe signals. People who pose a threat give off foe cues and people who do not pose a threat give off friend cues. When you meet people, ensure that you send the right nonverbal cues that signal that you are not a threat. The three primary friend cues are the eyebrow flash, head tilt, and smile.

Eyebrow Flash: The eyebrow flash is a quick up and down movement of the eyebrows. As people approach one another they eyebrow flash each other to send the message that they do not pose a threat. Since eyebrow flashes can be seen at a distance, people typically eyebrow flash as they approach others.

Head Tilt: The head tilt is a slight tilt of the head to one side or the other. This cue signals that the approaching person is not a threat because they are exposing their carotid artery. The carotid artery is the primary source for blood to reach the brain and if disrupted, causes severe brain damage or death within minutes. Exposing the carotid artery sends the signal that the person exposing their carotid artery does not pose a threat nor does the person they are approaching pose a threat.

Smile: A smile sends the message “I like you.” When you smile at someone, they have a hard time not returning the smile. A smile triggers a small endorphin release in the brain, which promotes a feeling of well-being. In other words, when you smile, you feel good about yourself. This supports the notion that people will like you if you make them feel good about themselves.

Empathic Statements: Empathic statements keep the focus on the other person. Because people are typically focused on themselves, they feel good about themselves when others make them the center of attention. Empathic statements capture a person’s verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling, and, using parallel language, reflects that verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling back to that person. Avoid repeating back word for word what the person said. Parroting can sound patronizing and sometimes condescending. The basic formula for constructing empathic statements is “So you…”  This basic formula keeps the focus on the other person and away from you. We naturally tend to say something to the effect, “I understand how you feel.” The other person automatically thinks, “No, you don’t know how I feel because you are not me.” The basic formula ensures that the focus of the conversation remains on the person you are talking to.

Asking a Favour: Ben Franklin observed that if he asked a colleague for a favour, the colleague liked him more than if he did not ask him for a favour. This phenomenon became known as the Ben Franklin Effect. At first glance, this seems counterintuitive. If you ask a person for a favour, you would think you would like the person more because they did you a favour; however, this is not the case. When a person does someone a favour, they feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule states that if you make a person feel good about themselves, they will like you. Asking someone to do you a favour is not all about you. It is all about the person doing you the favour. Do not overuse this technique because Ben Franklin also said, “Guests, like fish begin to smell after three days” (as do people who ask too many favours.)

Getting people to like you is easy if you follow the Golden Rule. The hard part is following the Golden Rule because we must put the interest of others above our own.

John Schafer, Ph.D. Let Their Words Do The Talking

I first learned of this relatively common but misunderstood trait – and recognized myself in it – via the work of psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron (for detailed info on her work in this area, as well as an HSP self-test, see www.hsperson.com ). According to Aron’s stats, HSPs make up 15-20 percent of the population yet often don’t have a name for what has made them feel or seem “strange” or “overly sensitive” their entire life.

HSPs are easily overwhelmed by stimuli, get stressed by loud noises and strong smells, are extremely perceptive, have rich and often intense internal lives, and need plenty of quiet and down time to maintain their equilibrium (and sanity, I would personally add).

It was a great relief to me to finally understand what was “wrong” with me. I now even had an explanation for why I find any kind of violence, even the fake Hollywood kind, so abhorrent. It’s not easy to go to a epic action movie with friends and to be the only one sobbing after war scenes (despite having covered my eyes the whole time – having only two hands I’m not able to cover my ears and the battle sounds alone are usually enough to push me over the edge).

Knowing what I am has helped so much, especially when it comes to supporting myself through experiences that otherwise might overload my hypersensitive senses. Here, for you, are my top ten survival strategies:

1. Get enough sleep: Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours, for most people) is well known to produce irritability, moodiness, and decreased concentration and productivity in the average person. Given our already ramped-up senses, I’m convinced that lack of sleep can make a highly sensitive life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes your senses and will help you cope with an already overwhelming world.

2. Eat healthy foods regularly throughout the day: Aron points out that extreme hunger can be disruptive to an HSP’s mood or concentration. Keep your edgy nerves happy by maintaining a steady blood sugar level through regular healthy well-balanced meals and snacks. I also take fish oil (omega-3) supplements daily as the brain loves these, lots of studies support their beneficial cognitive and emotional effects.

3. Wear noise-reducing headphones: A boyfriend introduced Peltor ear protecting headphones (usually used by construction workers, not pre-med students) to me when I was 19 and studying for exams. No matter where I am in the world I have had a pair with me ever since. HSPs are highly sensitive to noise, especially the kind we can’t control, and my beloved headphones give me control over my personal peace in what’s all too often a noisy intrusive world.

4. Plan in decompression time: HSPs don’t do well with an overly packed schedule or too much time in noisy, crowded or high pressure environments. If you know you’re going to spend a few hours in a challenging environment – such as a concert, a parade, or a crowded mall at Christmas time – know that you’re likely to be frazzled after and will need to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing, on your own if possible.

5. Have at least one quiet room or space to retreat to in your home: If you live with others, create a quiet safe place you can retreat to when you need to get away from people and noise. This could be a bedroom, a study, or even just a candlelit bath (or shower if that’s all you have!). I’ve found it often helps to listen to quiet relaxing music as well, this can even drown out more jarring external noise when you need it to.

6. Give yourself time and space to get things done: I mentioned above that HSPs don’t do well with a packed schedule. I’ve managed to structure my work life so that I work afternoon/evening shifts the days I’m at the medical clinic. This way I’m able to get out of bed without an alarm, eat a calm unrushed breakfast and putter around before getting down to business. The calm this gives me carries through my whole day. Another strategy for those who work in the morning might be getting up extra early (after 8 hours sleep, of course) to enjoy the quiet before the rest of the household wakes up.

7. Limit caffeine: HSPs are sensitive to caffeine – I usually can’t even handle the traces of caffeine found in decaf coffee. If you’re a coffee drinker (or dark chocolate junkie) and identify with the HSP trait description, giving up the joe might be a big step towards feeling more collected and calm.

8. Keep the lights down low: I’ve never liked bright lights and learning about HSP helped me understand why. Minimizing light stimulation goes a long way: I only put on low lights in the evening, and prefer to shop in certain local grocery stores which have gentle mood lighting, avoiding the garishly lit, crowded “big box” stores whenever I can.

9. Get things done in off hours: To avoid crowds and the associated noise and stimulation, I’ve learned to live my life outside of the average person’s schedule. I grocery shop late in the evenings, run errands during the week whenever I can, go to movies on weeknights, and go out for my walks before the rest of the world hits the jogging path. An added bonus: by avoiding the crowds I usually get things done faster , and almost always get a parking spot!

10. Surround yourself with beauty and nature: Since we HSPs are so sensitive and deeply affected by our surroundings, envelop yourself with beauty and calm whenever possible. I’ve decorated my home simply in a way that’s very pleasing to my eye, with minimal clutter and chaos. I also spend as much time as I can walking in nature, enjoying the quiet and its naturally healing and calming beauty.

Susan Biali, M.D., Prescriptions for life

Happiness research, a field known as “positive psychology,” is exploding. Some of the newest evidence suggests that people who focus on living with a sense of purpose as they age are more likely to remain cognitively intact, have better mental health and even live longer than people who focus on achieving feelings of happiness. In fact, in some cases, too much focus on feeling happy can actually lead to feeling less happy, researchers say.

The pleasure that comes with, say, a good meal, an entertaining movie or an important win for one’s sports team—a feeling called “hedonic well-being”—tends to be short-term and fleeting. Raising children, volunteering or going to medical school may be less pleasurable day to day. But these pursuits give a sense of fulfillment, of being the best one can be, particularly in the long run. “Sometimes things that really matter most are not conducive to short-term happiness,” says Carol Ryff, a professor and director of the Institute on Aging at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

“Eudaimonia” is a Greek word associated with Aristotle and often mistranslated as “happiness”—which has contributed to misunderstandings about what happiness is. Some experts say Aristotle meant “well-being” when he wrote that humans can attain eudaimonia by fulfilling their potential. Today, the goal of understanding happiness and well-being, beyond philosophical interest, is part of a broad inquiry into aging and why some people avoid early death and disease. Psychologists investigating eudaimonic versus hedonic types of happiness over the past five to 10 years have looked at each type’s unique effects on physical and psychological health.

For instance, symptoms of depression, paranoia and psychopathology have increased among generations of American college students from 1938 to 2007, according to a statistical review published in 2010 in Clinical Psychology Review. Researchers at San Diego State University who conducted the analysis pointed to increasing cultural emphasis in the U.S. on materialism and status, which emphasize hedonic happiness, and decreasing attention to community and meaning in life, as possible explanations.

Since 1995, Dr. Ryff and her Wisconsin team have been studying some 7,000 individuals and examining factors that influence health and well-being from middle age through old age in a study called MIDUS, or the Mid-Life in the U.S. National Study of Americans, funded by the National Institute on Aging. Eudaimonic well-being “reduces the bite” of risk factors normally associated with disease like low education level, using biological measures, according to their recently published findings on a subset of study participants.

Participants with low education level and greater eudaimonic well-being had lower levels of interleukin-6, an inflammatory marker of disease associated with cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s disease, than those with lower eudaimonic well-being, even after taking hedonic well-being into account. The work was published in the journal Health Psychology.

David Bennett, director of the Alzheimer’s Disease Center at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, and his colleagues showed that eudaimonic well-being conferred benefits related to Alzheimer’s. Over a seven-year period, those reporting a lesser sense of purpose in life were more than twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease compared with those reporting greater purpose in life, according to an analysis published in the journal Archives of General Psychiatry. The study involved 950 individuals with a mean age of about 80 at the start of the study.

In a separate analysis of the same group of subjects, researchers have found those with greater purpose in life were less likely to be impaired in carrying out living and mobility functions, like housekeeping, managing money and walking up or down stairs. And over a five-year period they were significantly less likely to die—by some 57%— than those with low purpose in life.

The link persisted even after researchers took into account variables that could be related to well-being and happiness, such as depressive symptoms, neuroticism, medical conditions and income. “I think people would like to be happy,” says Dr. Bennett. “But, you know, life has challenges. A lot of it is how you confront those challenges.”

There is some evidence that people high in eudaimonic well-being process emotional information differently than those who are low in it. Brain-imaging studies indicate people with high eudaimonic well-being tend to use the pre-frontal cortex more than people with lower eudaimonic well-being, says Cariem van Reekum, researcher at the Centre for Integrative Neuroscience and Neurodynamics at the University of Reading in the U.K. The pre-frontal cortex is important to higher-order thinking, including goal-setting, language and memory.

It could be that people with high eudaimonic well-being are good at reappraising situations and using the brain more actively to see the positives, Dr. van Reekum says. They may think, “This event is difficult but I can do it,” she says. Rather than running away from a difficult situation, they see it as challenging. The two types of well-being aren’t necessarily at odds, and there is overlap. Striving to live a meaningful life or to do good work should bring about feelings of happiness, of course. But people who primarily seek extrinsic rewards, such as money or status, often aren’t as happy, says Richard Ryan, professor of psychology, psychiatry and education at the University of Rochester.

Simply engaging in activities that are likely to promote well-being, such as helping others, doesn’t seem to yield a psychological benefit if people feel pressured to do them, according to a study Dr. Ryan and a colleague published last year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “When people say, ‘In the long-run, this will get me some reward,’ that person doesn’t get as much benefit,” he says.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to feel happy, psychologists say. Happy people tend to be more sociable and energetic, which may lead them to engage in meaningful activities. And for someone who is chronically angry or depressed, the goal should be to help this person feel happier, says Ed Diener, a retired professor at the University of Illinois who advises pollster Gallup, Inc., on well-being and positive psychology.

Being happy doesn’t mean feeling elated all the time. Deep stress is bad, but the “I don’t have enough time” stress that many people feel while balancing work, family and other demands may not be so bad, Dr. Diener says. To improve feelings of happiness and eudaimonia, focus on relationships and work that you love, Dr. Diener says, adding, “Quit sitting around worrying about yourself and get focused on your goals.”

Shirley S. Wang, Wall Street Journal

Let’s take a quick tour of the human brain, stopping at a little blob of gray matter behind the eyebrows called the prefrontal cortex (PFC). This is the part of the brain that regulates emotion and controls social behavior. It’s also the last area of the brain to develop; it has only just begun to mature at age 4. That immaturity — as difficult as it makes parenting a toddler or a preschooler — may serve an important developmental role in the acquisition of language (the most significant social tool humans have), says a new report out of the University of Pennsylvania.

The authors posit that the underdeveloped PFC is what allows young children to master a new language much more easily than adults. Simply put, our kids’ more disagreeable behavior may be an evolutionary trade-off for the sake of human communication.

Okay, so they’ve got these mushy brain parts that make them prone to outbursts and irrational displays of emotion, but there’s another factor at play in the toddler/preschooler’s often difficult behavior: stress. “Kids this age think magically, not logically,” explains Gina Mireault, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Johnson State College, in Vermont. “Events that are ordinary to us are confusing and scary to them.

They don’t understand that the bathtub drain won’t swallow them or that their uncle can’t really snatch their nose.” And if you’re not sure whether or not a simple bath will end in your demise, needless to say, you’re going to feel pretty confused and prone to anxiety — on a daily basis.

This feeling of heightened arousal causes our bodies to release cortisol, known as the “fight or flight” hormone. Maybe it should be called “tantrum juice:” Cortisol increases blood pressure, speeds up breathing rates, and may lead to confused or unclear thinking (sound like anyone you know?).

This anxiety is developmentally typical in moderation, but chronic anxiety or stress — Is my stuffed Tigger going to come alive and eat me? — is not; it can turn kids into virtual bundles of kindling primed to ignite at the slightest provocation.

So, the next time your child has an episode, Potegal recommends asking yourself “What function does this inappropriate behaviour serve?” If your tyke is looking for attention or a “tangible” (toy, food, or other treat), the best response is to ignore the behavior and maintain your own emotional composure. My friend Mana Heydarpour of New York City learned this lesson the hard way: When she told her strong-willed 3-year-old, Ella, that she couldn’t watch her favorite TV show, she screamed, “I don’t like you! I’m so disappointed with you!” “It made my blood boil so much that I couldn’t help yelling back at her,” Heydarpour says. As a result, Ella’s fit lasted for half an hour. Potegal calls this the Anger Trap. “If you get just as mad and irrational as your child, it’s like throwing gas on a fire,” he says.

But he warns of another trap, too: the Sadness Trap. “When you comfort a child in the middle of a tantrum, you reinforce the behavior. Instead, say ‘I’m sorry you’re upset. When you calm down, I’ll give you a hug and we can talk about what happened.’” This way, you offer support and sympathy while still showing your tot how to regulate his emotions. “Since that meltdown, I’ve learned to say ‘I’m not talking to you while you’re behaving like this,’” Heydarpour says. “Ella composes herself so much faster when I manage to do that.”

But the above strategy doesn’t apply to an “escape” tantrum: a child going bonkers because he doesn’t want to do whatever it is you want him to (clean up, sit at the table, etc.). In this case, ignoring him gives him what he wants: You’re no longer demanding that he wear his coat, or whatever it is that needs to be done. Putting him in a time-out chair doesn’t work, either, since that’s time he’s not putting on his jacket. “Every second he’s not complying, he’s winning,” says Potegal.

Instead, tell your kid that if he doesn’t get dressed in five seconds, you’re going to put your hands on his and do it together. If your tiny rebel makes no move after the five seconds are up, which he won’t at first, take his hands in yours and gently force the coat on. “It’s not meant to be pleasant,” admits Potegal, but it should never include physical harm. If your child begins to slap or bite you, continue putting the coat on and then put him in time-out (or take away a privilege, if that’s your standard discipline tactic). That way, your child sees he still has to wear the coat (so his protests were ineffective) and now has an additional consequence for his unacceptable behaviour.

Toddlers are a literal force of nature who confound even the most calm and prepared. But there’s a silver lining to these flop-and-flail-filled years: Just as kids can quickly slip into anger and sadness, so can they slip out of them. The average tantrum lasts about three minutes, according to Potegal’s research. That’s why, shortly after a tantrum, your kid is back to playing as if nothing happened, while you’re still quaking from the event a half hour later. His immature PFC (that mushy part responsible for social cues) allows him to move on without dwelling on past hurts. “Toddlers can transition from sad to happy and from angry to calm incredibly easily,” says Potegal. So enjoy that post-freak-out cuddle, and gird yourself for the next round.

Patty Onderko, CNN Health

This year No Smoking Day takes place on the 9th March and there will a variety of events going on across the country to support people who want to make that quit attempt. 

The NHS Stop Smoking Service offers free, friendly and non judgmental advice and support on stopping smoking where you can talk through quitting with a trained advisor or choose to attend fully supported Stop Smoking Groups with likeminded people. In either case, there is plenty of encouragement and useful tips on coping with stress, dealing with those cravings and how to prevent weight gain.

Steven Lucas, who works for NHS Northamptonshire Provider Services, says:

“No Smoking Day provides a fantastic opportunity for would be stop smokers to focus on a particular date to quit, and people are four times more likely to stop smoking with help from their local stop smoking service. It’s a great opportunity to take that first step towards a healthier future.”

Almost a million people in the UK make a quit attempt on No Smoking Day each year, so don’t go it alone, call the NHS today on 0800 022 4 332 or visit www.smokefree.nhs.uk and together we will help you succeed in stopping smoking.

Image provided by: No Smoking Day