Do Men Prefer Direct Chat-Up Lines?

Both sexes know men prefer a direct approach from woman, but is it just because men can’t read the signs?

Men and women’s attitudes to relationships have become remarkably similar — when dating women are now much more likely to make the first move.

It will come as no surprise that research finds men prefer this first move to be direct. But do men and women agree on what a direct approach is and why such directness is necessary in the first place?

These questions are addressed in a new study published recently in the journal Personality and Individual Differences (Wade et al., 2009). Forty women aged between 19 and 22 were asked to list the types of opening lines they might use to signal their interest in dating a man.

Researchers sorted these into 10 categories, then 40 men and women rated them in order of perceived directness. Here are the 10 categories (with examples) from most to least direct:

1. Directly ask out on a date: Want to go get dinner?
2. Ask if single: Do you have a girlfriend?
3. Give out phone number, or ask for a call: You should call me.
4. Give a compliment: I like your hair.
5. Ask about shared interests: Do you watch The Wire?
6. Indirectly hint at a date: What are you doing later this weekend?
7. Say something funny/sexual humour: Wanna make out?
8. Suggest familiarity: Have we met before?
9. Personal interest questions: How was your weekend?
10. Subtle hello: Hey, what’s your name?

Then men were asked which lines they thought would be most effective for women to use on them. They pretty much put the chat-up lines in order of directness, with the most direct also perceived as the most effective.

When women were asked to do the same they produced a similar list with one exception. Women didn’t rate as highly giving out phone numbers or asking for a call. Overall, though, women clearly understand that men prefer the direct approach.

The only surprise is the low ranking of funny or sexual humour. Men don’t seem to appreciate the lewd come-ons suggested by gender stereotypes. This relatively low rating for a jokey approach is another thing shared by both sexes. Previous work by Bale et al. (2006) found that women weren’t particularly impressed with men trying to be funny, despite what we are often told. It seems opening lines are a serious business for both sexes.

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