Does Revenge Make You Feel Better?

We’ve all experienced the desire for revenge at some point in our lives. We’ve all had a friend who let us down badly, a partner who left us or a boss who went back on his word. It’s a natural reaction. But does revenge really make us feel better? Does it really give us relief from the upset?

The desire for revenge comes from the cerebellum, the primitive part of the brain which deals with fight or flight situations. The difficulty is that it often backfires on us. The Stanford Forgiveness Project found that far from making us feel better, the desire for revenge actually makes us feel a whole lot worse. In fact we end up becoming obsessed with the idea which increases our rage further.

The project found that individuals who are planning revenge have increased levels of stress, more health problems and negative changes in blood pressure and to their immune system. Their emotional growth and learning is stunted by focusing on what the other person did wrong, rather than on their own contribution to events. This leads to them potentially making the same mistakes again.

So if you have been wronged and you have a desire for revenge, remember that you are hurting yourself more than you can possibly know. But if revenge is so bad for us how do we deal with these difficult feelings? The first step is to work on forgiveness. No matter how badly you have been treated, you have control over your thoughts and feelings. If you tell yourself that you can never trust anyone again, that your life has been ruined, or that you are emotionally ‘damaged’ then chances are you will start to behave that way. Instead use this painful setback (because ultimately that is what it is) as an opportunity to improve yourself as a person. If you feel angry channel this into exercise, or a goal to improve your life. Pray, meditate, volunteer in your community to help others. One day you will see the person who has wronged you. Imagine how they’ll feel when they see you aren’t angry and twisted by what they put you through? Imagine how they’ll feel when they see that you have moved on and that you are a much happier and complete person?