Counselling Central

The dictionary definition of gossip is “Rumour or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. Trivial, chatty talk or writing. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumours or facts”. Is gossip malicious in intent? Do people who gossip perhaps need to find more depth in their own lives? Or does gossip form a natural and healthy part of our daily social interaction?

The Good: Although most of what we learn as we grow up comes from parents/guardians and other authority figures, part of what we learn also comes from more informal social contact with friends and acquaintances. Gossip therefore has the potential to form part of our moral learning and social instruction. It can also help us deal with a strong desire to avoid social exclusion and punishment. For example, in the work situation most of what we learn comes from a HR person, a company handbook, an induction programme and (hopefully) some on the job training. But what about the other things we learn such as who to trust and who to avoid? Who are the good bosses and who are the bad? Gossip can help us navigate many areas of life successfully.

The Bad: Gossip has a bad reputation in most circles. It can be used to attack someone without facing up to them, damage the reputation of another and spread vicious rumours about someone else. Psychologists call this relational aggression. Experiences such as these can be emotionally damaging and in some cases even lead to suicide. We all have an inbuilt need to be liked (it’s how we survived in primitive times) and in some cases this can lead us to worry about what our actions will lead other people to say about us.

The Ugly: Celebrity gossip exposes us all to the ugly side of gossip. Most of us have a ‘need to know’ what goes on in the lives of the rich and famous, and in some cases their failings can even act as our moral instruction. Tiger Woods had a clean cut image until his affairs became public knowledge. “What a hypocrite!” we hear people cry, “I wouldn’t have presented such a great image to children and then done such terrible things!” The truth, of course, is that we are all capable of going against our character in certain situations. Gossip can be ugly.

Think about the types of gossip you hear or engage in everyday. Is it good, bad or ugly? What do you learn from it? Make a mental note. You’ll be surprised just how it impacts on your life.