Counselling Central

I was having dinner with a friend last night when she mentioned that she was reading a book called “Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream – and How They’re Paying for it.” The premise of the book is that women ’should not throw themselves’ at unproven men who may never become a success. The authors believe such men will either fail to give a woman the financial security she needs, or else find someone younger when they do become successful. The authors go on to suggest that women should instead marry rich men. Even if it doesn’t work out, they say, the divorce settlement will provide adequate compensation while searching for true love, the plumber, or whoever comes along first.

My friend is an intelligent and inspirational lady, so I asked her how she felt about the book (I’m never off duty). This prompted a lengthy discussion about marriage and relationships, women’s changing role in society, and opportunities for women in all areas of life.

When I got home I looked for the book on line and discovered the tag line ”authors Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake use cold hard facts, real science, and true stories to present a compelling case for why mercenary marriages make the most sense for future happiness. Smart Girls taps into a growing, collective suspicion that the post-feminist world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” After reading this I couldn’t help but think of the struggle of Emmeline Pankhurst to get women the vote, of Florence Nightingale pioneering modern nursing during the Crimean War, of Rosa Parks the “Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement”, or the inspirational humanitarian work of Mother Teresa. Was their vision for women to be gold diggers who entered into ”mercenary marriages”? Was this really what they intended for women?

By all means read the book if you want to. It recognises the legitimate problem of people rushing into marriage blinded by lust and romance, without enough talking about money and other sensibilities. But to me the book is counter intuitive and undermines the whole purpose of relationships and marriage; a declaration of commitment, friendship and love between two people.

So does this mean women shouldn’t look for an affluent Prince Charming? No, but what it does mean is that women are more than capable of managing their own lives and their own finances, either by themselves or within a partnership, if they choose to. Women can be fully self supporting, have finances that work, live within their means, (apart from the occasional pair of shoes or two) and save for a rainy day.

When you’ve achieved this? Unfortunately my friend was married to someone who quickly unraveled all of her good work. So maybe the key is to avoid gamblers, addicts, drunks, partners who can’t control their spending and partners who drag around debt and bad credit without making an effort to clear it. This will put you on the fast track to financial misery. When you look at it from this simple sociological perspective, do smart girls need a rich man?