Counselling Central

Are you in your late teens? Do you remember what it was like to be aged 18 to 21? This period of life can be very rewarding for teenagers and parents, but it can also be extremely frustrating. Why is this the case?

Many teenagers crave independence. They want to strike out into the world and not have to do what their parents want. This seems like a healthy response going into young adulthood, but there is an emotional and financial cost to independence that teenagers often struggle to come to terms with.

As parents it can be difficult to empathise with your teenage son/daughter, particularly when you have spent years trying to find a balance between freedom and responsibility yourself. Teenagers can appear unmotivated, disengaged, directionless and undisciplined. For the teenager this is a time to escape from school, parents and the constraints of ‘being told what to do’. As adults we realise that freedom, in this sense, is largely a myth.

So how can you help your teenager to adjust to this critical time? Change your role from manager to mentor. As a manager you will try to sort out your teenager’s problems, motivate them to get a job and do things in a certain way – the behaviours they want to rebel against. As a mentor you must let go of correcting and disciplining your teenager. Instead be there as a consultant when needed and don’t try to make decisions for them. Be understanding, rather than disappointed, when they don’t do things the way you would have done them. Be patient, rather than angry. You are encouraging your teenager to be independent and by being supportive, rather than taking a problem solving stance, you can help them make the transition to independence more smoothly. Good luck!