Why are we attracted to certain people and not others? Why do our friends tend to be similar to each other? And what causes us to decide on a mate? Many of these questions relate to social psychology in that society’s influence and our own beliefs and traits play an important role. Research has found five reasons why we choose our friends:
Proximity – The vast majority of our friends live close to where we live, or at least where we lived during the time period the friendship developed (Nahemow & Lawton, 1975). Obviously friendships develop after getting to know someone, and this closeness provides the easiest way to accomplish this goal. Having assigned seats in a class or group setting would result in more friends who’s last name started with the same letter as yours (Segal, 1974).
Association – We tend to associate our opinions about other people with our current state. In other words, if you meet someone during a class you really enjoy, they may get more ‘likeability points’ then if you met them during that class you can’t stand.
Similarity – On the other hand, imagine that person above agrees with you this particular class is the worse they have taken. The agreement or similarity between the two of you would likely result in more attractiveness (Neimeyer & Mitchell, 1988).
Reciprocal Liking – Simply put, we tend to like those better who also like us back. This may be a result of the feeling we get about ourselves knowing that we are likable. When we feel good when we are around somebody, we tend to report a higher level of attraction toward that person (Forgas, 1992; Zajonc & McIntosh, 1992).
Physical Attractiveness – Physical attraction plays a role in who we choose as friends, although not as much so as in who we choose as a mate. Nonetheless, we tend to choose people who we believe to be attractive and who are close to how we see our own physical attractiveness.
This last statement brings up an important factor in how we determine our friends and partner. Ever wonder why very attractive people tend to ‘hang around’ other very attractive people? Or why wealthy men seem to end up with physically attractive, perhaps even much younger, women? There is some truth to these stereotypical scenarios because we tend to assign “social assets” or “attraction points” to everyone we meet. These points are divided into categories such as physical attractiveness, sense of humor, education, and wealth. If we view education as very important, we may assign more points to this category making it more likely that our friends or our mate will have more education. If we view wealth as more important then we will be more likely to find a mate who has more money.
We rate ourselves on these same categories and, at least at some level, know our score. We tend to then pick friends and partners who have a similar score that we do. Hence an attractive person hangs with other attractive people; or a wealthy older man gets the beautiful younger woman. Think about your friends and how you would rate them in these categories to find out what is important to you.
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