Rosenberg (1965) described self esteem as a “favourable or unfavourable attitude toward the self”. Although self-esteem often refers to our overall feelings of self-worth, body image and self-confidence are expressions used to identify specific areas of our self-esteem. So how can we obtain a healthy level of self-esteem without becoming over confident or arrogant?
Stop thinking about yourself in a negative way: The way you think about yourself through your internal dialogue is very important. Your thoughts can lead to emotions and behaviours. If you talk negatively about yourself your mind will recall times you weren’t happy with yourself in any given situation. So, when you start to think negatively about yourself remember the words of Jack Black from Mindstore – say “delete that programme”. Replace any negative thoughts with more positive ones. For more on thought management click here.
Do something that you have been putting off: Wash your car, paint your room or do something else that you have had on the backburner for a while. Completing a task that you have been putting off can give you a sense of achievement and increase your self-esteem.
Practise relaxation: We all kid ourselves that we spend enough time relaxing, but take up Tai Chi or listen to a self-meditation CD and you’ll soon realise that you don’t. When you are relaxed you don’t feel as anxious. The knock-on effect is that your mind isn’t racing with as much self-doubt and negativity. For more on anxiety management click here.
Focus on your achievements: So, you haven’t found a cure for the common cold or conquered Everest, but you have achieved more than you think. Think about school awards and exam results, sports certificates, passing your driving test, helping a friend. There’s a whole host of things that you may have achieved. When we are lacking self-esteem, we have a tendency to focus on the things we haven’t done well or the things we regret. Whenever you are tempted to go down this road, remind yourself of what you have done well. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Forgive others for hurting you.
Don’t compare yourself unfavourably with others: There will always be people who have achieved more than you, and conversely there will always be people who have achieved less. If you constantly compare yourself with those who you perceive to be more successful than you, your self-esteem will be negatively impacted. Remember, you are running your own race. By all means learn more and grow as a person, but focus on your successes and those yet to come. Set yourself goals and develop a purpose.
Take up a new hobby or interest: It’s far too easy to be consumed with making money, paying bills and focusing on everything we are responsible for. So, take some time out for yourself when you can. You can explore the possibilities open to you such as learning a new skill or joining a social group.
Volunteer for an organisation that helps others: This is a great way of helping others in need and also provides a potential boost to our self-esteem. Therefore, think of local organisations that would benefit from your time.
Don’t look down when you are walking: Keep your head up when you are walking, or talking to others and resist looking down.
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About The Author
Steven Lucas MBACP MNCS (Prof Accred) is a professional counselling psychotherapist working in Northamptonshire. Read Full Bio.
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor so this guide should not be considered a replacement for seeking medical advice. It is also not a substitute for obtaining therapy as other factors, such as trauma, need to be considered. There are pay per click ads on this site for which I may receive a small commission. This helps to pay for the running of the site. I do not endorse any of the products advertised.